D.H. Lawrence “The Mess of Love”
We've made a great mess of love
Since we made an ideal of it.
The moment I swear to love a woman, a certain woman, all my life
That moment I begin to hate her.
The moment I even say to a woman: I love you! ---
My love dies down considerably.
The moment love is an understood thing between us, we are sure of it,
It's a cold egg, it isn't love any more.
Love is like a flower, it must flower and fade;
If it doesn't fade, it is not a flower,
It's either an artificial rag blossom, or an immortelle, for the cemetery.
The moment the mind interferes with love, or the will fixes on it,
Or the personality assumes it as an attribute, or the ego takes possession of it,
It is not love any more, it's just a mess.
And we've made a great mess of love, mind-perverted, will-perverted, ego-perverted love.
I can’t say for sure but my intuition tells me that DH Lawrence polarizes thinking and sex. He does use the term ‘mistrust’ very often in his novels, the few I’ve read. In this excerpt (lines 12-14), the mind interferes, the ego takes possession, and ruins it – note the impersonal here in his oft used ‘it.’ Therefore, I think that for DH Lawrence love equals sex. Lawrence presents the natural, materialist attitude over the metaphysical. He likes to wax poetic and perhaps supernatural rather than stoop to the explanatory or the historical. That is, for Lawrence, love is not metaphysical but entirely natural and if there are any higher order considerations, they are supernatural. Explanation, or sociality and politics, of sexuality is denounced by Lawrence. This notion is reflected in his term ‘mess.’ What could ‘mess’ refer to? Perhaps to sex itself as ‘dirty,’ or perhaps to his life experience where the social conditions of his existence contrasted with his ideal notion of sex, or possibly to the complexity of his writing and publishing output. To Lawrence, the reasoning mind opposes sex, to know the other is to hate the other. Nothing but impersonal physical union, the natural, is appreciated; to possess, conquer without companionship or any connection to reproduction is desired. Love is sometimes contrasted to celibacy and chastity which does not refer to a mess but reflects his earlier use of “ideal” (line 2). Other times, there is a group reference: ’we’ (line 1), ‘us’ (line 7) or ‘either-or’ (line 11) which might refer to two wives or lovers! Then, lastly, there is the threefold use of ‘perverted’ which implies a sort of injury or symptom – he is cut off from love, from sex. What could a perverted mess be but something disgusting?